can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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