So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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