I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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