So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
