somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You ruined the universe
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
