ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
