Me. At least after what I've been through.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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