there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
