Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
