after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
