Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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