i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
