the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
