dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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