I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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