what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
