She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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