I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
