Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have already put on my inside pants.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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