If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
