We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
