just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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