I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
