All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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