She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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