Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You're like the curious george of whores
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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