you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
