Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
