oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
