Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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