i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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