i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
