i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
