So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
