The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
