So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
kristin has been a bad kristin
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
