You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
