i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
