you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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