i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
