there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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