How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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