just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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