Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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