too bad you live with your parents still
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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