she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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