So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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