And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
