Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
