if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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