is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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