I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
