you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
