How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Come on in and take your pants off
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