I wish my penis had an off switch
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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