Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
