i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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