He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
